Yes, it’s 2022 and the fridges are stocked with broccoli, and the gyms are chock-full with the sound of New Years’ Resolutions. But why should the humans get all the fun? We think it’s high time the pets start setting a few goals for themselves.
If we could offer a few – erm – humble suggestions to the furry readers out there? Pets, here’s 5 New Year’s Resolutions you could really do with after a bit of holiday indulgence. Time to kick those paunchy pups back into shape!
1. Do something about that stinky breath
Look, it’s a problem. We know you’re pawing Mom because she’s overslept. But really, your fishy breath is not the ‘Good morning’ she needs on a Monday.
Even non-humans need a good tooth-brushing every now and then. Get yours scrubbed 2-3 times a week. Or (if you’re feeling fancy) book a spot with a professional pet dentist (yes, they do exist).
2. Stop chewing Dad’s slippers
They’re tatty, smell like feet – and I guess Dad wants them back: time to let the old slippers go. Playtime is serious business, so splurge on some brand-spanking-new toys you can sink your teeth into. The cat will be jealous!
3. Chase down more squirrels
Maybe even catch one someday, ‘ya never know! Hey, maybe you’re not in your prime puppy days anymore. But that gut has gotta go, and the best place to lose it is in the park or the forest.
Experts reckon you need 3-5 bursts of exercise per week. So get out and do your zoomies. Or try some hide-and-seek, tug-of-war; maybe even a little fetch.
4. Make a new friend: the vet
Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking. And yes, the way she takes your temperature is totally uncalled for. But the scratches aren’t helping (neither is the hissing) so maybe it’s just time to make peace with that godforsaken place.
So get your routine check-up over and done with. Annual physicals are key to finding things early, plus you might even get some catnip out of the ordeal too.
5. Weekends are for sleeping in
It’s what we love – and hate – about you the most: your unbridled joy. You’re a bundle of yapping, tail-chasing energy, and we’re not trying to change you at all. You just need to get the timing right. When Mom comes home from work? Yes. Sunday mornings? Nada. That’s all about snuggling in.
Take it easy on the weekend. Curl up on your blanket or (if you give them your best puppy-dog-eyes) your human’s bed. Sometimes all you gotta do is chill.
With that, we wish you and your humans a Happy New Year from Pawcasso! May it be a hoot, a howler, a roaring good time. Take to heart these resolutions and the people in your life will surely thank you.